To Whom It May Concern,
I'd like to take the time out just to let you know that you've been on my mind, Write something for you to read in alone time. Something that shows that you don't go unnoticed. First thing that comes to mind when I think of you isn't a physical feature. I never mind when you say "I can't go out, I have this research and book that I've been assigned to write about" Such honest words from such soft lips, After those words I just want to stay up while I help or just watch you keep your grades up. Make sure you've got everything you might need to succeed. Your presences makes me want to do better. So I thank you, for you inspiration, your unintentional motivation. Such an aura like yours is something I crave. Don't take this wrong, But I'd like to stay and lay with you just to get intimate with your dreams and aspirations. How about we just sit and talk about our passions, What it'll be like to live life in our most ideal fashions. I'd like to hear about you past, what it's like to live in your present, and if I might be Able to be part of your future. Ambitious girl, I admire your hustle. I see your ambition. Independence is your hidden treasure I'm in love with our conversations and playful banter. Never before have I met somebody so clever. Always able to go tic for tac, A trait I admire in somebody such as yourself. A laugh too sweet to ever get enough of. Smile so bright it lights up my darkest night Wouldn't I be lucky if I were blessed with your wealth? I don't mean money or riches, But your spoils uncountable. Heaven-sent angel, Whether we've crossed paths or not, I can never forget you. A dream I hope to one day be reality. A lasting impression indented in my memory, To deliver what you deserve is my only intention, No malice, hidden motives, or secret agendas, Just to grow alongside such beauty, Protect like the thorns on a rose, To comfort through understanding and encouraging, To love, as words can’t explain. -Alex J. Rooftop love. Let me tell you this story about how the stars admire you from above.
It’s our third date, and I invited you over for dinner and dessert prepared by me. After we eat, you ask me to tell you one secret that nobody knows about. So I tell you about my rooftop, and how I go there when I need a place to think. A place I go for solace and peace. And then I invite you up to see why it’s so special. We climb our way onto the roof, wine in hand, and look out over the tree tops into the night sky. We sit on the rooftop stargazing, drinking and laughing. I sip. As I watch you bite your lip. Holding back that smile that I've been able to admire for only a short while. Conversation has moved from typical talk to how I am grateful for the chance to have you here. You blush and change the topic quickly. Rosy red cheeks under golden brown eyes. Looking into your eyes mirrors stargazing under a clear summer night’s sky. I’ve never been so nervous. My chest is on fire, my heart’s thumping, and my blood’s racing. Making sure the night stays alive is all I desire. My core is blazing, Because looking into your eyes is truly amazing. The stars envy your light which shines ever-so bright Your presence so captivating, the thoughts of the future I can't keep hidden. Please say more, my mind is entranced. The sound of your voice so soothing. The sound I bet that makes the angels dance. You catch me deep in my admiration. You pause and ask me what I'm thinking. I say, "About you." You look away as I move closer. I keep going. "I've been thinking about you for a while now. When I'll be able to see you again. Have I impressed her so far?? Could I ever be enough for such a flawless being? Can I shine as bright as she?" You inch in a bit as well. Nervous and shaking, unsure of what is waiting. I continue. "I'm thinking about how you always seem to knock me off my feet. Render me powerless. All with a look. I think about how you're the only thing I’ve been able to think about since our first romantic night. And I worry. That the one thing on my mind, will never see me the same way I see her." You move closer, our knees now touching. I inch my hand towards yours until our fingertips are brushing. You tell me to go on. And I say, “And she does see me the same way, I need her to know her time wouldn't be wasted. Her feelings would always be reciprocated. Her presences and her thoughts will always be appreciated. She'll never be alone. No matter how far apart. I'll always find a way back to her. She just needs to know that if she's with me, she'll always have somebody to rely on." You interrupt me and say, "I've heard this before. How do I know these aren't just words? How do I know you mean something more?" I pause. I see your questioning expression and I say, "You don't. These are just that, words. And all you can do is trust that I mean them. And let me prove that I mean something more. And let me start here. By just holding you close. Holding you so close you'll know that you don’t have to worry about anything. Just let my actions speak for me." We are now holding hands and there's a silence between us. We catch eyes again. And then. We both lean in. A gentle kiss between us on the calm summer's night. Just one kiss. That confirmed my words. And secured your worries. Just one kiss that calmed both our nerves. And left us stargazing in silence. With a new understanding, of how we feel about our rooftop loves. -Alex J. It is a nice fall day for a walk in the woods. The trees are brimming with vibrant hues of reds yellows and oranges. I venture to the reservation to enjoy what nature has to offer. I wander down the leaf laden trail letting my mind travel to distant places while breathing in the crisp autumn air. I think about what I'm doing and where I'm going. Then the worries of the world start to invade my tranquil state. And just when I'm ready to turn back down the trail and head home, I think about the men I look up to and the struggles they went though. I think about Malcolm, I think about Tupac, and I think about Nelson. I start to imagine them walking besides me, encouraging me on the path I've already set out on. As we walk along the trail, I ask for advice and their take on how to handle moments of doubt, darkness, and discouragement. And each one says the same thing, but in their own special way. Malcolm tells me "Every man goes through his periods of doubts and uncertainties. And that's what makes life worth living. Being able to go through the shrouded moments and coming out unharmed to see the light. Because without that darkness. You will never know how bright the light is my brother. And that is what life is about, the moments that are so bright they become blinding. As you may know, I've been through those phases as well my young brother. I was once Red, until I found Islam and was shown the light which gave me the strength to fight the good fight for our people. And without that darkness, I wouldn't have been able to carry out the mission I was put here to serve, you understand?" I nod and my head lifts a little higher as I hear Tupac's energetic voice say "That's some real shit right there. So listen up lil man. We all went through the same shit that you're going through. You question your every move. You have so many voices in your head that you don't know which way to go. And it drives you crazy. You got all this fuckin pressure from so many different directions like family, friends, the media, society, mutha fuckin everywhere. All while you are trying to figure out what to do with your life so you can be happy. And that's the shit that's fuckin with you, you are just trying to make something of yourself and be happy but all these mutha fuckas want you to do what they think is right. And at the end of the day, you gotta say fuck all that shit and just be you, because when you're not breathing anymore, when your heart stops best in for that final time, you the only one Layin and that's real shit. So when that moment comes, you betta make sure you can close your eyes with a smile." Then I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn and Nelson is just smiling at me. He proceeds to say "Young man, you are doing a fine job. Life is not meant to be easy. If it were meant to be easy, what would be the point? Growth comes out of uncomfortable situations. Without hardship, struggle, and pain, how can you expect to grow? It is just like a child going through growth spurts. His bones hurt, he has trouble sleeping, but when the pain subsides, he is different. He is stronger, he is bigger. I spent my whole life putting myself into uncomfortable situations because that is where I felt the most comfortable haha. I was okay with being uncomfortable because I knew that when the pain subsided, when the clouds cleared, when the light began to show, I was a better person. And in my life, not only were things better for me, things were better for the people I had the pleasure of serving. And that, son, is why life is such a beautiful roller coaster full of ups and downs. And when you get off the ride. It was thrilling and well worth every bit of it. The fear, the pain, the insecurity, the anger, the hatred. All of those things lead way to the courage, the euphoria, the comfort, the happiness and lastly the love. So keep walking and everything will be okay." A gentle breeze blows, the leaves rustle, the trees whisper, and a tear full of happiness and courage falls from my cheek. And the four of us continue our Walk in the Woods on this autumn afternoon. -Alex Zuberi From a personal standpoint, I feel that black males behave in such an arrogant and egotistical manner simply because we feel some sort of pain or loneliness on the day to day and put on these facades to cover up those feelings. And we feel the need to cover it up because we feel there is nobody there to care for us, or that showing these emotions will make us appear 'weak'. And that isn't true at all. So, I would like to take the time to acknowledge three queens that do not get the accolades they deserve, but have been there for me and helped me fill in my cracks throughout my journey of becoming the young black man I am today. My 3 Queens, My cousin, my sister. Since I can remember you were always a staple in my life. I looked up to you from a young age and continue to do so. I remember playing PlayStation and eating cheese doodles from the bag until our fingers turned orange. Vacations to Virginia Beach. Being parked behind the garbage truck in the middle of traffic. I love you sister. There have been times that I was angry with you. Told myself I never wanted to be around you, that you didn't care about me. But now I realize that it wasn't you. It was me and my immaturity and selfishness. I wanted you to be there when I wanted you to be there not realizing that you've had a rough road. An unimaginable road to travel yourself. And I apologize for all the times I've acted like an ass. All the times I hated you because I felt like you weren't there for me. You had your own life to live. I was too immature and young to understand that. But as I look back at the anger I felt towards you on those occasions, I apologize. You truly are a young queen I'm so glad that I'm able to call you my sister cousin and to have you in my life. You've helped me when I was in the darkest places. Providing me with insight and perspective that I could never have seen by myself. You're caring, compassionate, energetic, determined, and unbelievably strong-willed, you are wise way beyond your years. A little rough around the edges, but that's what makes you. And I know that no matter what happens between us. You'll always have my back. And I'll always have yours. Love you sista-cousin and thank you for being you and being there for me. Aunty, we live so far apart and see each other every few years, and it is rough. We have so much in common from our behavior to our love of music (specifically Tupac Shakur). We click in such a way that only we understand. We argue and go back and forth, and it is irritating. Irritating because nobody is ever able to make me actually stop and think about my thoughts, actions, and decisions. When it comes to intellectual, social and historical conversations, I can literally feel my mind stretching to lengths and depths that it I am unable to reach on my own. You are the only person that is able to push me to critically think about everything in life. You allow me to say whatever I want however I want. You encourage me to challenge everything and the way you do it in such a loving and comfortable way makes me feel like I can do anything. And I miss that. When you do visit, it is literally a breath of fresh air. I am not going to lie, I have a massive ego, and you always find a way to challenge me in the beneficial way that you do. From rewarding my brother and I for spelling words as kids, to flying me down for a non-stop weekend of college visit I am truly blessed to have such a strong character in my life. In a society that is putting less and less emphasis on actual intellectual conversations and in-depth thought processes, I am grateful to have somebody like you, somebody who has played a major role in my life and crafting me into the person I am today and the person I am still becoming. Another Queen of the village that has been there to guide me thus far. I love you Aunty. You’re somebody I have always aspired to be and I thank you. Mom, without you, I don’t exist. I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me even though it may not always seem so. I know I’m beyond hard-headed, I have a huge head that drives you crazy all the time, and I can be extremely lazy. However, you are always there to put me in check, I swear my ears are so big because of the countless times they’ve been yanked on when I start to act up. We haven’t had it easy, but we made it work. We try our best and we let each other down on occasion, but that’s life. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t change anything about the way you raised me. I wake up daily thankful that you are MY mother. You’ve raised two intelligent, compassionate, charismatic, passionate, and EXTREMELY handsome young men given circumstances that many people would fold under. You are the main reason I am the person I am. I have watched you work tirelessly for so long just to make sure we had the best we could, and now we both have that same drive and energy to make the best of every opportunity we have, and it is evident. Outside of my brother and me, you shine your incredible light on everybody who crosses your path. There isn’t a person I met that has said anything negative about you, and I would bet anything that they can’t. When I think of what angels or guardians, the only image that comes to mind is yours. I hope one day you are able to enjoy the fruit of your labor the way you deserve. You’ve loved us through all of our youthful mishaps, successes and overall experiences. I cherish all the times we have shared, from our love of romantic movies, our Doritos and Ice Cream, our ability to cook some gourmet tasting food. You provided ice and heating pads for our physical growing pains, and a warm place to lay our heads for the emotional ones. Mashiriki for a reason, your loving light shines for many miles and is always there for the darkest parts of what life may have or have had in store for me. I have put you through quiet a lot. Throwing up as a kid, painting the kitchen in chocolate, painting my room in baby powder, mooning nurses in hospitals, asking for rides on countless occasions, the headaches, the stress I caused, and countless other things that I’ve done. And all I can say is thank you, the main queen that has raised, cared for and nurtured a prince in such a world. I hope I can make you proud to no end one day. Alexander loves you ma, never forget it. And to my fourth queen, wherever you are, whoever you are. One day I plan to make you happy beyond your wildest dream. I plan to love and respect you like no other man will be able to. I plan to be the man that is there to hold your head during your hardships, massage your feet and listen to you vent after a long day of work, or even be a scapegoat when you just need to let out some frustration. I also to be there when you are glowing from ear to ear with happiness, skipping with joy, and crying in happiness. And I hope that when we meet we are ready to grow from two individuals to a love-filled unit that last till death do us part. I dream of the day that I'm ready to take on the responsibility of being your support beam, your rock, your king, and the chance to watch you raise our young princes and princesses. Love Always, Alex J. |
Thoughts
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