From a personal standpoint, I feel that black males behave in such an arrogant and egotistical manner simply because we feel some sort of pain or loneliness on the day to day and put on these facades to cover up those feelings. And we feel the need to cover it up because we feel there is nobody there to care for us, or that showing these emotions will make us appear 'weak'. And that isn't true at all. So, I would like to take the time to acknowledge three queens that do not get the accolades they deserve, but have been there for me and helped me fill in my cracks throughout my journey of becoming the young black man I am today.
My 3 Queens,
My cousin, my sister. Since I can remember you were always a staple in my life. I looked up to you from a young age and continue to do so. I remember playing PlayStation and eating cheese doodles from the bag until our fingers turned orange. Vacations to Virginia Beach. Being parked behind the garbage truck in the middle of traffic. I love you sister. There have been times that I was angry with you. Told myself I never wanted to be around you, that you didn't care about me. But now I realize that it wasn't you. It was me and my immaturity and selfishness. I wanted you to be there when I wanted you to be there not realizing that you've had a rough road. An unimaginable road to travel yourself. And I apologize for all the times I've acted like an ass. All the times I hated you because I felt like you weren't there for me. You had your own life to live. I was too immature and young to understand that. But as I look back at the anger I felt towards you on those occasions, I apologize. You truly are a young queen I'm so glad that I'm able to call you my sister cousin and to have you in my life. You've helped me when I was in the darkest places. Providing me with insight and perspective that I could never have seen by myself. You're caring, compassionate, energetic, determined, and unbelievably strong-willed, you are wise way beyond your years. A little rough around the edges, but that's what makes you. And I know that no matter what happens between us. You'll always have my back. And I'll always have yours. Love you sista-cousin and thank you for being you and being there for me.
Aunty, we live so far apart and see each other every few years, and it is rough. We have so much in common from our behavior to our love of music (specifically Tupac Shakur). We click in such a way that only we understand. We argue and go back and forth, and it is irritating. Irritating because nobody is ever able to make me actually stop and think about my thoughts, actions, and decisions. When it comes to intellectual, social and historical conversations, I can literally feel my mind stretching to lengths and depths that it I am unable to reach on my own. You are the only person that is able to push me to critically think about everything in life. You allow me to say whatever I want however I want. You encourage me to challenge everything and the way you do it in such a loving and comfortable way makes me feel like I can do anything. And I miss that. When you do visit, it is literally a breath of fresh air. I am not going to lie, I have a massive ego, and you always find a way to challenge me in the beneficial way that you do. From rewarding my brother and I for spelling words as kids, to flying me down for a non-stop weekend of college visit I am truly blessed to have such a strong character in my life. In a society that is putting less and less emphasis on actual intellectual conversations and in-depth thought processes, I am grateful to have somebody like you, somebody who has played a major role in my life and crafting me into the person I am today and the person I am still becoming. Another Queen of the village that has been there to guide me thus far. I love you Aunty. You’re somebody I have always aspired to be and I thank you.
Mom, without you, I don’t exist. I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me even though it may not always seem so. I know I’m beyond hard-headed, I have a huge head that drives you crazy all the time, and I can be extremely lazy. However, you are always there to put me in check, I swear my ears are so big because of the countless times they’ve been yanked on when I start to act up. We haven’t had it easy, but we made it work. We try our best and we let each other down on occasion, but that’s life. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t change anything about the way you raised me. I wake up daily thankful that you are MY mother. You’ve raised two intelligent, compassionate, charismatic, passionate, and EXTREMELY handsome young men given circumstances that many people would fold under. You are the main reason I am the person I am. I have watched you work tirelessly for so long just to make sure we had the best we could, and now we both have that same drive and energy to make the best of every opportunity we have, and it is evident. Outside of my brother and me, you shine your incredible light on everybody who crosses your path. There isn’t a person I met that has said anything negative about you, and I would bet anything that they can’t. When I think of what angels or guardians, the only image that comes to mind is yours. I hope one day you are able to enjoy the fruit of your labor the way you deserve. You’ve loved us through all of our youthful mishaps, successes and overall experiences. I cherish all the times we have shared, from our love of romantic movies, our Doritos and Ice Cream, our ability to cook some gourmet tasting food. You provided ice and heating pads for our physical growing pains, and a warm place to lay our heads for the emotional ones. Mashiriki for a reason, your loving light shines for many miles and is always there for the darkest parts of what life may have or have had in store for me. I have put you through quiet a lot. Throwing up as a kid, painting the kitchen in chocolate, painting my room in baby powder, mooning nurses in hospitals, asking for rides on countless occasions, the headaches, the stress I caused, and countless other things that I’ve done. And all I can say is thank you, the main queen that has raised, cared for and nurtured a prince in such a world. I hope I can make you proud to no end one day. Alexander loves you ma, never forget it.
And to my fourth queen, wherever you are, whoever you are. One day I plan to make you happy beyond your wildest dream. I plan to love and respect you like no other man will be able to. I plan to be the man that is there to hold your head during your hardships, massage your feet and listen to you vent after a long day of work, or even be a scapegoat when you just need to let out some frustration. I also to be there when you are glowing from ear to ear with happiness, skipping with joy, and crying in happiness. And I hope that when we meet we are ready to grow from two individuals to a love-filled unit that last till death do us part. I dream of the day that I'm ready to take on the responsibility of being your support beam, your rock, your king, and the chance to watch you raise our young princes and princesses.
Love Always,
Alex J.